Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
