You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
