it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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