grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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