Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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