when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
