It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
