he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
