he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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