the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
