I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
