Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
