I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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