so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can't talk, ducks in the car
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
