the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize