READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
