hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
