i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
