She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
