I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
