I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
