Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
