If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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