lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
