Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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