Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
