How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize