ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
