hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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