omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
