Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I stole a fireplace last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
