Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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