so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
