well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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