Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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