Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Can Purell be used as lube?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
