Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I will be naked everywhere
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
