You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just cropdusted the office
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
