2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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