Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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