It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
