oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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