It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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