One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
