fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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