it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
