she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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