I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The uberlube is also flammable
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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