I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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