life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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