I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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