Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
