: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila