im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize