i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.