This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
