you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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